Saturday, June 30, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Kids say the darndest things...
T
EACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
TEACHER: Rodney, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Folder Lock without any software
O
pen Notepad and copy the below code and save as locker.bat. At first time start it will create folder with Locker automatically for u. Don't forget to change your password in the code its shown the place where to type your password. after creation of Locker folder again click on the locker.bat.it will ask.press Y then Locker folder will be disappeared. again to get it click on locker.bat. and give ur password u will get the folder again.
cls
@ECHO OFF
title Folder Locker
if EXIST "Control Panel.{21EC2020- 3AEA-1069- A2DD-08002B30309 D}" goto UNLOCK
if NOT EXIST Locker goto MDLOCKER
:CONFIRM
echo Are you sure u want to Lock the folder(Y/N)
set/p "cho=>"
if %cho%==Y goto LOCK
if %cho%==y goto LOCK
if %cho%==n goto END
if %cho%==N goto END
echo Invalid choice.
goto CONFIRM
:LOCK
ren Locker "Control Panel.{21EC2020- 3AEA-1069- A2DD-08002B30309 D}"
attrib +h +s "Control Panel.{21EC2020- 3AEA-1069- A2DD-08002B30309 D}"
echo Folder locked
goto End
:UNLOCK
echo Enter password to Unlock folder
set/p "pass=>"
if NOT %pass%==type your password here goto FAIL
attrib -h -s "Control Panel.{21EC2020- 3AEA-1069- A2DD-08002B30309 D}"
ren "Control Panel.{21EC2020- 3AEA-1069- A2DD-08002B30309 D}" Locker
echo Folder Unlocked successfully
goto End
:FAIL
echo Invalid password
goto end
:MDLOCKER
md Locker
echo Locker created successfully
goto End
:End
Monday, June 25, 2007
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Kofi ? No, thanks
G
eorge Bush: "Condoleeza! Nice to see you. What's happening?"
Condoleeza Rice: "Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China."
George: "Great. Lay it on me."
Condoleeza: "'Hu' is the new leader of China."
George: "That's what I want to know."
Condoleeza: "That's what I'm telling you."
George: "That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?"
Condoleeza: "Yes."
George: "I mean the fellow's name."
Condoleeza: "Hu."
George: "The guy in China."
Condoleeza: "Hu."
George: "The new leader of China."
Condoleeza: "Hu."
George: "The Chinaman!"
Condoleeza: "Hu is leading China."
George: "Now whaddya' asking me for?"
Condoleeza: "I'm telling you Hu is leading China."
George: "Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?"
Condoleeza: "That's the man's name."
George: "That's whose name?"
Condoleeza: "Yes."
George: "Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?"
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East."
Condoleeza: "That's correct."
George: "Then who is in China?"
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "Yassir is in China?"
Condoleeza: "No, sir."
George: "Then who is?"
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "Yassir?"
Condoleeza: "No, sir."
George: "Look, Condoleeza. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone."
Condoleeza: "Kofi?"
George: "No, thanks."
Condoleeza: "You want Kofi?"
George: "No."
Condoleeza: "You don't want Kofi."
George: "No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N."
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N."
Condoleeza: "Kofi?"
George: "Milk! Will you please make the call?"
Condoleeza: "And call who?"
George: "Who is the guy at the U.N?"
Condoleeza: "Hu is the guy in China."
George: "Will you stay out of China?!"
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N."
Condoleeza: "Kofi."
George: "All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone."
Wrong phone call
R
ing-g-g
"Hello?"
"Hi, honey, this is Daddy," .... "Is your Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank,"
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"
"Oh Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy, right now!"
"Uh, Okay, then.....here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!"
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"Well, I did, what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?" he asks.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying out the front window and now she's all dead."
"Oh my God!!!!! And what about your Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool.....but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's all real dead too."
***long pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool???? We have a swimming pool? Is this
555-7039-9988???"
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Folder.exe virus
S
tep by step instructions
1.) you have to be quick on this step: in Task Manager end task on DC, FUN and SVIQ...I used the End Process Tree
2.) look for the following files(extension is usually EXE but not always)
fun
dc
sviq
repair
DataV
Other
win
winsit
cviq
They can be located in one or more of the following directories:
C:\windows\system
C:\windows\system32
C:\windows
C:\windows\inf
C:\windows\config
C:\windows\system32\config
C:\windows\system\config
3.) In regedit clean these keys:
HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\windows\current\version\run
HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\Software\Microsoft\windows\current\version\run
HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\software\microsoft\windows NT\currentVersion\winlogon
subkeys: Useinit --> set Useinit to Blank
Shell to Explorer.exe
HKEY_CURRENT_USER\software\microsoft\windowsNT\currentVersion\windows
delete subkeys: load=other.exe
run=win.exe
4.) run MSCONFIG and look to see if anything else is starting or loading
that looks weird and remove it...of course be careful because you can destroy
your system if you remove the wrong things
5.) reboot and make sure the virus is gone (it should be)
Saturday, June 16, 2007
just need one copy
Ayoung executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece Of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing Work?" "Certainly, Sir" said the young executive. He turned the machine ON, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine."I just need one copy."
Email Etiquette
T
his document is intended to offer guidance to users of electronic mail (e-mail) systems.
This is not a "how-to" document, but rather a document that offers advice to make you more computer-worthy (probably more worthy than you desire) and to prevent you from embarrassing yourself at some point in the near future.
Full document: http://www.iwillfollow.com/email.htm
Laugh a Lot
W
hat is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress.
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE? It's - Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means, With Idiot For Ever!!"
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant; Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.
A women asks the man who is traveling with six children, "Are all these kids yours??"
The man replies, " No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints".
A young boy asks his Dad,"What is the difference between confident and Confidential?"
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential.
Friday, June 15, 2007
TV vs Hand Phone
Wife is a TV, girl friend is a hand phone.
If your are at home, watch TV. If you go out bring hand phone.
If you have no money, sell TV. If you got money, change hand phone.
Sometimes you enjoy TV, but most of the time you play with the hand phone.
TV is free for your life.
But hand phone is not free because if you don't pay, services will be TERMINATED!!!!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Funny But True
Three answers most scared by men
(Whatever)
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want la, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good la, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
(Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good la, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a caf楱�and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything
(You decide)
Men: Then we just go home lo
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want la
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it la... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk lo. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anyting
(Look around... no one here, gonna kill her....)
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Monday, June 11, 2007
Friday, June 8, 2007
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Monday, June 4, 2007
Saturday, June 2, 2007
ANCIENT TECHNOLOGY
After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Japanese scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.
So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 meters and headlines in the US papers read:" US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Japanese".
One week later, a Burmese newspaper reported the following: "After digging as deep as 500 meters, Burmese scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded those 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology".
Friday, June 1, 2007
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